Archetypes
Archetypes are aspects of the human psyche. In men’s work, they are sometimes used to provide focus towards specific dimensions of our lives. The best-known are probably King, Warrior, Magician and Lover, laid out in a book with that title by Gilette & Moore.
But it is possible to identify more than these.
In this series, I’ll give my take on the archetypes that are featured on the Path of the Wild Man.
Part 1 - The Warrior
There are as many sorts of warriors as there are battles. Most of these are metaphorical.
The Warrior archetype is that part of us that steps up when we get into conflict. Any kind of conflict, really.
Because when we move through this world, we’ll inevitably move into other people’s space. And likewise others will move into ours. We have our own values, aims and interests and it is only a matter of time before they will collide with someone else’s. And that is when the inner Warriors prick their ears, straighten their backs and put their hands on their sheathed swords’ hilts.
Whether it is the neighbour playing very loud music, your friend staring at their phone while you’re telling a story, your partner unconstructively nagging at you or your boss expecting you to take on another project that you do not want to.
The core business of the Warrior is to handle boundaries.
It is fantastic if we can fully say YES to life. It is something we (learn to) do in men’s work as well. But our yes is worth shit if we cannot defend our sacred NO. And that is exactly the Warrior’s job.
The Warrior is a very powerful archetype that creates safe space for the others.
He is a protector and a defender. But the Warrior wields weapons and so must be aware of his destructive potential.
Right balance
Like with any archetype or virtue, there is a right balance. Too much Warrior creates an inflated Warrior. This expresses itself in rigid nay-sayers, bullies or egotistical aggressors.
When I was in college, I would challenge almost every form of authority; my professors, the police, the government. Sometimes I think I had good points, but other times I could just be a rebel without a cause. In hindsight, I commend my bravery and willingness to speak up when no one else did. But I’ve fought many battles that probably wouldn’t have been fought at all if the Warrior within me would first have consulted other archetypes. Like the wise Magician (or Sage), who could’ve better predicted the social dynamics and the most efficient course of action; or the Father, who would have been able to care for my inner turmoil, so that I wouldn’t have felt the need to take out the hurt of my ego on the world.
There can also be not enough Warrior. A deflated warrior is a pushover and sometimes even a coward.
For a while this had been my way of dealing with conflict situations not too long ago. I became aware of it at the moment when I was excited about sitting at the window in the plane to Portugal. However, a couple that had boarded prior to me, took my chair. I very prudently tried hinting that it was my seat and that I would prefer to sit there, but when they turned out to be not interested in my plea, I sat down somewhere else, telling myself I consciously chose to accept that lame chair.
But in reality I was just too afraid of social discomfort to stand up for myself. In hindsight it was a wakeup call for the Warrior in me.
So one of the arts of living is balancing out archetypes. And knowing which one to address.
The warrior’s fire
Aggression is an important word here, regarding the Warrior. It is not a word without connotation. Many people deem aggression as something negative that should be avoided. Aggression is equated with violence and something that is often feared.
For me, aggression is not the same as violence. It’s moving forward with the readiness to act. To me it’s to a man’s primal strength. The drive to go for what is important and to defend what is sacred. It’s the Warrior’s fire.
Aggression is raw power. And I believe it is important for men to realise that they possess great strength to defend boundaries.
But with power comes responsibility. Of course aggression is dangerous!
For me, healthy aggression looks like determination, firmness and initiative. All of this, however, is a means to an end. And the end will determine whether it is beneficial or not. Aggression can be put to work for a man to elbow himself to the top of a company, to enrich his ego at the cost of everything around him. But it can also be used to step up and call out such a man instead.
I believe many men have learned to repress their aggression. They are afraid of their own power, and because they are unfamiliar with it, they are scared of the havoc they may wreak. But any part of us that is repressed, will fester and come out sideways. It will cause us to act in ways that are harmful to ourselves or others, but way more subtle. It will cause us to be self-denying or manipulative…
In order to prevent this, a Warrior should come to terms with his power. He should accept that he is able to tear the whole place down, should need be. But therefore, he must also accept the responsibility of this potential; he shall bear the responsibility of wielding this power only in a good way.
Anger is never far away for the Warrior, and so the Warrior should be very well acquainted with his anger.
Obviously anger can make people do stupid things, but repression of emotions is never a good idea either.
Often the source of acute anger is a sense of powerlessness: when a man finds himself in a bad situation, but doesn’t know how to change it. Or when he doesn’t feel seen or heard. This brings up frustration.
We could imagine some sort of bucket in our belly that holds annoyances. Everytime something crosses our boundaries, a bit more is added. We can hold a lot of it, and fortunately we can unwind and empty the bucket, though this takes time. And in difficult times the bucket can run over and it’s easy to lose our temper.
But giving in to this angry frustration will most often cause destructive behaviour.
Therefore it often is wise to stand down at first and to analyse the situation before responding headfirst, screaming and flailing. The Warrior can observe the anger boiling and ask it what it is telling. And later on take it to another place to release it in a safe way. When others are pressing him for a reaction right away, he can say: “No. I need some time to realign, so that I will not say or do things out of emotion. I will come back to you later.”
I think releasing anger is important. It gets frustration out of the system. Sometimes old unresolved grief or sadness can turn to anger as well. Fully allowing, feeling and expressing the anger can free what was hidden beneath it.
But anger can sometimes be righteous too. There is something like sacred rage. Some boundaries are sacred. Try for instance to harm a Warrior’s family or his core values and see what happens…
This is something we humans highly value. So many books, games and movies revolve around warriors defying all odds to defend what is sacred to them.
So, the Warrior is a powerful archetype. He has the task and the power to defend and/or illuminate (sacred) boundaries. With power always comes responsibility.
Even though the Warrior's fire is potentially destructive, and sometimes feared, its actual aim is to create safety.
It is our Warrior who steps up to engage in confrontations. He can handle these gently, but also firmly if he must.
For the Warrior within it is vital to learn to know the extent of his power.
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